squashed like a bug.

Today I'm a sea of indecision. I've forgotten what it's like to not give a shit. I am a walking bag of nerves furtively checking the cracks in the pavement for a warning sign. The sky's falling in and I need to know when. Whatever I choose, I lose.
Awesome guilt pounds on my consciousness, the walls reverberate with anger and pent up fury at my impotence, my inability to determine my own destiny. work, play? They both hurt me with their cloaked daggers and their smiling fat faces,smug in the knowledge that they will never have to face what I face every day. My mortality, the death inside me just grows in strength as I weaken and fall. I have no time. All I ever wanted was to be free. But growing up is knowing that freedom is an illusion.
All we can ever expect is to be crushed under foot like bugs. Why suffer, why wait?
Noone is beautiful until they're dead.