"All my friends got flowers in their eyes, but I've got none this season./All of last years blooms have gone and died,time doesn't give a reason"

Sunny days, meant for freedom and it's all so good until you remember you're still trapped, the sunlight just animating your confines. Still a lot to do and I'm not sure where it's all going. How can you make plans when they depend on so much that you have so little control over?
Another failure today, and although expected, sadness flooded in again, cemented resolve to do better, to be better. I will be what they want, not for them, but for me. Tired of these endless years of fading hopes, so unsure as to where it is all leading. What path? Why raise expectation when they have fallen so many times before?
"I don't wanna be an angel, but I'm nothing, I'm nothing if I'm not this high."(Counting Crows)
I don't want to be special, but normality is just a kick in the guts, and escapism is all I need to be someone. But I'll never be someone until I can take the pain that so many others suffer and yet hide away. It's all I hope for, and sometimes the worry is just too much. Thank God for Clonazepam. Thank fucking God. I don't know where I'd be without it.
Wash away the fear and the fury.
Sunshine, and my cell.
Beauty, and the beast.
Tomorrow is a new day, the start of a new life, one where I hold the fucking strings.