My lullaby of carbon monoxide

Slam that fucker for the last time, grip the rubber remembrance of the reasons you're here- your wasted life, tear into it's cheapness- show the world there's courage in a crippled shadow yet.
Fulfil the drill until the carpet softens and old paintings and cigarettes waft through your tangled intellect, a confused, misty grave where your dreams float- trapped by pre-programmed glass and grim intent. Life never tasted so good, sweet and warm- with eyes heavy more memories explode and force themselves into you subconscious.
Just let go, that's all there is to do. Now it's too late. You cant even die like a man you fucking coward, your pained attempt at a statement and there's nothing but the children to watch and question as you clamber against the gummy insides of eye lids and disappearing sinew.
This wasn't meant to happen, who shat in my life and forced my hand?
Knock knock.
Silence.
Knock Knock.
Silence.
Knock Knock.
Please. we didn't mean it.