What I've done and what I regret...

This morning I woke up in a good mood for the first time in as long as I can remember. I didn't have night-sweats. I think I sweated out the last of the bzp/alcohol/downers the night before. It was bad! thought I'd wet myself. Anyway, I was in shit mood when I went to sleep and was thinking-cos I couldn't sleep- about what I'm doing or have done that I regret and what I'd do if I could do it all again. Fuck me the list's long.
I was prompted by the fact that yesterday, I found out that my class was cancelled for the day and instead of working(I have so much that I don't know where to begin) I decided to finish my bottle of vodka, scan the internet for drugs, nail the last two beers in the fridge, snort a Xanax and passout on my bed. I woke up a couple of hours later (around 8) feeling woozy, so I had about 25mg's of phentermine to pick me up and then tried to start work. Nice work while you can get it. Huh? I ended up cleaning the kitchen because it counted as work and didn't involve any brain power.
So anyway I manage about an hour and a half reading about vat tax law and got fed up, so went to bed and here we are. I'm gonna do this list b4 going to the gym. The sun's shining, just one class today, easy coursework for monday,etc. etc. I'm going to do my work today. But I'm not- Not even I am that blind.

Here's my list;(In no particular order)

(Oh yeah,\Ispent the whole of yesterday inside freezing even tho I had all my clothes on. No idea why. I'm always too hot...??)
Stimulants
Cocaine, crack, meth/yabba, phentermine, ephedrine, sibutramine, caffeine(of course), bzp, TFMPP, speed, MDMA/ecstacy

Opiates
Buprenorphine, morphine, heroin, codeine, opium, opium tincture, propoxyphene, tramadol, pentazocine,

Hallucinogens
Mushrooms-liberty caps/thai/mexican/hawaiin(?)/philsophoper stones,
Acid/lsd liquid and blotters, mescaline/san pedro, ketamine, dxm, sincuichi, salvia, cannabis(I suppose) all fucking types, 5Meo-AMT

Sedatives/tranquilisers
Diazepam,alprazolam,bentazepam,midazolam, clonazepam, alcohol(I suppose), rohypnol, zopiclone, zolpidem,betablockers (a pile of wank), respiredone, temazepam

Antidepressants
Clomipramine, paroxetine, sibutramine, escitalopram

That's about all I can remember off the top of my head for now.
What do I regret? doing too much of them all. Far too many mushrooms-they fuck with your head, rewire your brain-just because they're natural doesn't mean they're harmless. Everything else apart from alcohol and cannabis(which steal your life away) I enjoyed and didn't take too often to get me into trouble, thank God. I'm happy I'm still alive, but I'm a borderline alcoholic/drug-addict. I'm addicted to clonazepam, alcohol and getting wasted on whatever I can get my hands on. I also take Escitalopram and Clomipramine at the moment. They help me, but I really should try to help myself if I'm ever going to be a real person.
Why is reality so hopeless?