The people we become will never be the people that we are.

So, another week and the mood's sky high. Strange feeling but being busy brushes the blues away. No time to think, only time to focus on the page straight ahead. I have been so busy and it feels great, I'm not crying into my darkened room and the cold wind doesn't burn me so much. I'm high but experience teaches me that it can't last. Maybe it will. I hope it will, but I really don't feel like I deserve it. I suppose that's always the problem. I just can't stand feeling good. Too much energy, too much life (?).
Fuck it, I didn't fail my paper today and spring is coming. My term has almost ended and maybe, just maybe I'm looking forward to shedding my skin and becoming someone worthy of respect. It's funny how in a way the idea of belonging again scares me. It's been so long since I looked in the mirror and saw an identity. The fear of change, even if for the better, is always going to be there for all of us.
I've got a load of morphine and rohypnol coming soon so maybe I'll slump when it arrives but let's hope I don't. There's a friend's party on Thursday too. Hmm. Suddenly the road has pitfalls. It'll be ok.
Sure it will.
Funny that last Friday I was planning my own funeral in my head. So matter of factly. Who would come, where it would be. Would I want a song played. Would I be allowed a funeral if it was suicide.
Shit, that seems an age away.
So many people inside me, fighting to get out...