I'm not like them, and I can't pretend...

I thought I was ok. I've started seeing my old friends again and doing all this social shit- trying to organise meeting and partying and all that shit. Why the fuck then does this girl, who I really like but, who I don't fancy have to call me to say she doesn't want to see me because we "don't make each other happy"? I just wanted a friend, someone I could share my thoughts and my fears with. I just took a look at myself and realised that I'm a horrible person. I didn't take her feelings into account and I was always drunk with her, to get over the fact that I only like her as a friend. We're never going to see each other again and why the hell can't I just find someone to love and lose my mind with. I need, yearn, would tear myself open just for one chance to be happy with another.
I walk down the road and all I feel is fear.
Who am I?
Am i all there is?
I will look for happiness but my crushed confidence knows no bounds.
I have nothing.
I am nothing and will never be anything.
Watch cars, the smiling faces are always in the poor, broken-down shit heaps, the transits, the lorries, the building sites.
A degree just makes you feel like a failure, however succesful you are. Money means nothing. Happiness is the absence of loneliness.
And, good God, I am lonely.
Broken.
Maybe one day someone will come along to fix me, but until then I continue to punish and injure.
I screw it.