Out of control

Another weekend gone and I fucking can't stand myself! No ability whatsoever to control my fucking primal instincts. I still have all this morphine bouncing aound my room making friends with my downers. I'm being ganged up on. I waited so long for then to arrive and now I don't know. I want them so badly, but I'm getting hooked fast. It's kinda scary. I'm meant to be revising for my exams in a couple of weeks and I have this constant temptation hanging over me.
I had a huge night on Friday-I took some morphine and then went out to supper with friends=great. Got drunk and went back to a mate's flat where we all boshed a load of coke. The first time in a while so was fantastic.
anyway, went home- got robbed on the way-only a tenner tho- and stayed up making a mix tape. passed out and woke at 10pm the next day, then back to bed till 12pm sunday. And guess what- I somehow ended up taing 90mg's morphine 3 rohypnol, 1 zopidem and a bottle of wine, and I can't remember much after that. tada!

Another big fat memory blank- no damn idea. I'm fed up with the haze and annoyed that the morphine isn't working so well anymore- need to stop to build up tolerance again but get sick and can't wait, blah, blah! also have to study but with all this shit washing around my head it's kinda hard...
that's another reason why I haven't been writing-I've been too chilled out/boring/lazy/etc.
watch this space.