So cold, so warm

Beam, shine, run colours run, I don't watch. Everyone does. I shiver in your shower and life runs dark and thick through my blue, blotched veins.
Is this beautiful? Red burn and shallow touch. No go zones and fenced in.
Crunch, crack, worlds spin in me and fall through my eyes, expanding spheres dripping the dreariness of every day. Pinned down, my feet scream for release and urge my spirit till it hurts and sniggers. If this is it, why isn't it over? Pins screech through air and slice thin skin,closed umbrellas weep in fetid cubicles, living out their deterioration in hope- never to arrive.
Suck my teeth, hold my breath, fire up my eyes and start the game again. Lock the door, smell the stench and feel the familiar loathing detachment.
Grit my teeth, hurt so hard the street pulses with rebellion. Stamp my waves into the world, heat the yellow ice tugging at my heart and burn a memory into the past that is life.