Wear sunscreen

Yup- Something was going to set me off in the car on the way to my parents. That damn song-actually I like it but fuck it touched some raw nerves.
I spent the next half hour blubbing-I dunno why- just down from some red bull shit i took when I went to the gym this morning. Brought up loads of shit about repression and hate and frustration and why it should all be so avoidable but how it just isn't. Everyday we fuck about constantly looking to the past for our pleasure when we should be living in the now, not fucking wingeing and moaning about how crap everything is and being so hateful and resentful and angry.
I just looked at myself and realised that I'm never going to be this young again, never have this many opportunities or choices in life again. I need/ we all need to just be happy with who we are and try to forgive ourselves all the shameful, hateful, selfish, fucked-up things we've done to ruin the gift that is our lives and to make a fucking go of it while there's still time because there's not going to be another chance. Ever.
When I cry I just see an endless pit of hatred and shame and guilt and frustration and longing and I just feel myself drowning in the shit that I've built up behind my eyes and I get so scared that if there's that much shit heaped up ready for me to drown in by now-how much will there be when I'm dead?
It's true that there are friends you will never see again, places you will never see again, or things you will never experience again how ever hard you might try, you just have to say fuck it and look forward and just express and don't repress. It's a fucked-up place this world but being a bunch of bitter cowards isn't going to make it any better.
smile.
Over and out-
Merlin XXX
(Here's a link if you want read the "sunscreen"shpeal.
http://colleenscorner.com/Poetry4.html)